Halloween Safety Tips.

[Verbal]

Halloween, though lots of frightful fun, can also be full of potential dangers. Here are some tips to make your kids' All Saints' Eve an All "Safe" Eve:



Halloween Safety Tips:



* Pack your child's rectum with razor blades to make him/her less desirable to would-be molesters.

* Always trick-or-treat in groups of 400,000.

* Many troublemakers and dangerous people come out on Halloween night. To be safe, trick-or-treat in early March.

* Safety and self-defense go hand in hand. Be sure your child's handgun has at least a 10-round magazine and is at least .38 caliber to ensure stopping power.

* For optimum safety while trick-or-treating, be sure your child does not encounter fright-master screenwriter Kevin Williamson.

* Equip your child with special cyanide-filled false tooth for use in case of capture.

* Be sure child closes eyes before you drill eyeholes in mask.

* Beat would-be child murderers at their own game by poisoning your kids ahead of time.

* Dress your child in all-black costume to make him/her virtually invisible to potentially dangerous motorists.

* Tell your kids that if they see anything suspicious or scary-looking–for example, ghosts, goblins or witches–they should run to the nearest neighbor's house and call the vice squad.

* Pack child's costume with safety flares.

* Before sending children off, give their anuses a good dollop of lube. This will help prevent their tissue from tearing when they are sodomized by maniacs.

* Do not ring doorbells under any circumstances.

[djonni greazo]

[Haunty]

[Verbal]

[quote name="HbW"] [/quote]



Finally someone else finds it funny.



What's wrong with you people?!

[Hugo.]

It's hilarious, but you should provde critical reference

[Verbal]

I don't know what that means.

[cat hallucination]

[Charles Bronson]

.38's are revolvers, therefore do not have a magazine.



I trolled 4chan today about going out dressed as Obama and taking half of kids candy. Might do it next year.

[Shredlord]

[quote name="Johnny"]

* Pack your child's rectum with razor blades to make him/her less desirable to would-be molesters.



* Before sending children off, give their anuses a good dollop of lube. This will help prevent their tissue from tearing when they are sodomized by maniacs.

.[/quote]



Aren't those contradictory? Still funny, though!

[Mesarthim]

I remember those Halloween nights as a child. We'd roam the neighborhood in noisy packs, ranging through two, three, four developments. As far as we could walk, as many houses as we could hit. We'd carry an extra pillow case tucked into our belt, just in case. We wouldn't go home until the last light on the last house on the last block had been turned off, and even then, wandering home through the dark, dodging back and forth between parked cars and trying to scare each other with a surprise BOO, we'd still stop back at any house with a light on in the gay man's telescope. Just in case. Just to check. Nearing home, we'd peel away from the group, one by one, as our houses came up. I'd walk inside, my nose cold and my cheeks ruddy and my legs and feet so tired I could barely stand. And then my dad would get up from his lounge chair and hold out his hand, and I'd give him my sack of candy for the Inspection. The Inspection, where he solemnly take my my night's gains to the kitchen table and dump them out and carefully sort through them, piece by piece, looking for anything that might have been tampered with or poisoned or trapped with a razor blade. The large Hershey bar, too dangerous. Two packs of M&Ms, too rumpled. A handful of Smarties, their ends suspiciously untwisted. I'd watch, mute and helpless, as my pile diminished. I tried to understand why it was always the best pieces that seemed tainted. Cursed in my mind those neighbors who would taunt me so. And then, finally, the most dangerous pieces sorted from my haul, I'd be sent to bed. And the next morning, wonder over the candy wrappers I'd discover wedged in the cushion of the lounge chair. He was a sneaky bastard, my father. That was how I first learned about taxes.