post jokes

jawn galliano · Post by **jawn galliano** » 03 Feb 2011, 12:16

is david mitchell the mitchell half of that mitchell and webb look

if he is i imagine i like him because i recently watched the first season of that show and it was pretty awesome

Verbal · Post by **Verbal** » 03 Feb 2011, 13:54

He is.

And Peep Show is much better.

You can watch it on 4od.

jawn galliano · Post by **jawn galliano** » 03 Feb 2011, 15:21

someone else has also told me this.

but netflix doesn't have that (or subsequent seasons of the program in question) on instant streaming, so my capacity for caring about it is severely limited.

i'm american, you must understand. we don't have your fancy (probably french, and therefore also gay, which is to say homosexual, which is also to say bad, immoral and patently unamerican) 4od in america. much like my countrymen, i DEMAND instant patriotic gratification. anything falling short of that standard simply won't do. you must understand.

YOU MUST

baron von blondle · Post by **baron von blondle** » 03 Feb 2011, 16:13

[quote name="hard-on bearer Incognito"]

i'm american, you must understand. we don't have your fancy 4od in america.T[/quote]

third world country

Hugo. · Post by **Hugo.** » 03 Feb 2011, 18:00

[quote name="Verbal"]
[quote name="Zajebiste!"]He's at his best when he's being subtle, i'm talking about when people get his back up and he adopts his holier-than-thou attitude. He's not holier-than-anyone![/quote]

I like his podcasts. You don't?[/quote]

I havent listened to them, i'll check them out. Generally he's a funny bastard. I like peep show/MW Look a lot.

[quote name="baron von blondle"]
[quote name="hard-on bearer Incognito"]

i'm american, you must understand. we don't have your fancy 4od in america.T[/quote]

third world country[/quote]

4OD has a lot of content on youtube, you might be able to watch it there.

Verbal · Post by **Verbal** » 03 Feb 2011, 18:28

[quote name="hard-on bearer Incognito"]someone else has also told me this.

but netflix doesn't have that (or subsequent seasons of the program in question) on instant streaming, so my capacity for caring about it is severely limited.

i'm american, you must understand. we don't have your fancy (probably french, and therefore also gay, which is to say homosexual, which is also to say bad, immoral and patently unamerican) 4od in america. much like my countrymen, i DEMAND instant patriotic gratification. anything falling short of that standard simply won't do. you must understand.

YOU MUST[/quote]

TORRENT DEMONOID YOU SEVERED COLON

Season 1-5: http://www.demonoid.me/files/details/2018921/1505894/

Season 6: http://www.demonoid.me/files/details/2063451/1505894/

Season 1-4 (but might be quicker): http://www.demonoid.me/files/details/1435278/12047152/

It is phenomenally important that you watch this show.

Verbal · Post by **Verbal** » 03 Feb 2011, 18:31

[quote name="Zajebiste!"]4OD has a lot of content on youtube, you might be able to watch it there.[/quote]

Better to watch them in sequence.

jawn galliano · Post by **jawn galliano** » 04 Feb 2011, 14:03

seaon 1 is off to a very promising start. a thousand thanks, my good sir

Verbal · Post by **Verbal** » 04 Feb 2011, 21:53

Even if it gets off to a slow start, I urge you to persist.

Verbal · Post by **Verbal** » 08 Feb 2011, 22:42

The outtake video on this page made me lol:

http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=2226121193

Probably won't be as funny if you haven't been watching hours of the hard-on bearer's anatomy dvds.

14th4th · Post by **14th4th** » 15 Feb 2011, 17:41

Some of Jerry The King Lawler's quotes;

(In response to Brian Christopher being his son)

"That is deja moo! I've heard that bull before."

(During A Cactus Jack & Chainsaw Charlie Match)

"Pass the bread, here comes the bologna, Cactus Jack & Chainsaw Charlie are trying to wrestle"

(Talking about Chainsaw Charlie)

"If he had a brain he'd be an Idiot"

"Look at Chainsaw's head, I've seen better heads on a pimple."

"Like Phineas is some sort of lady's man. He couldn't even get a date on a tombstone."

(After Owen Hart almost pulled off Billy Gunn's tights)

"Don't you know crack isn't good for you?"

(Talking about Jim Cornette)

"Just because he's is nutritional overachiever, don't call him beefy!"

"You know how I impress girls at the gym? I do pull ups: I pull up in a Corvette, in a Cadillac, and in a Mercedes."

"How do you like your Undertaker: regular or extra crispy?"

(Talking to Jim Ross)

"I've been waiting for years to see you spontaneously combust sitting right next to me."

"You know what the say 'Hell hath no pizza' so don't go there!"

(Talking about Vince McMahon)

"He has muscles in places most people don't have places."

(Talking about Sable)

"I hear she has a black garter belt in karate."

Lawler: "Hey, take my picture!"

McMahon: "Why?"

Lawler: "You don't want to waste your film on Adam Bomb."

(Talking to Vince McMahon about the Blue Brothers)

"Look at their hair; you should get a toupee like that and comb the hair in the front of your face."

(Talking about King Kong Bundy)

"He's so huge every time he turns around, Ted DiBiase throws him a welcome back party."

"Do you have a quarter? My mom told me to call her when I meet the women of my dreams."

"What the Hell. In 1988, I was the AWA heavyweight champion and I never came to Milwaukee."

"Koko B. Ware is a crossword wrestler: he enters the ring vertically, and leaves horizontally."

(Talking about Terry Funk being 53 years old)

"Did you say he's middle aged and crazy? How many 106 year old maniacs do you know?"

(Referring to Al Snow and his head)

"This proves that two heads aren't better than one."

"If Sable was a new hamburger at McDonald's, she'd be a McGorgeous."

"There was a match between Val Venis and Dick Togo and I had a lot of material but Dustin Runnels had to come out here to talk about the Bible."

(When Val Venis was attacking Yamaguchi-San)

"In a minute he'll be arrested for battering shrimp."

(Talking about Terry Funk)

"The only thing harder than his legs are his arteries."

(Talking about Terry Funk)

"I heard that when he was a kid the three wise men helped him with his homework."

"Dustin Runnels came up to me and asked me if I made my peace with God today. I don't know if I ever had a fight with him."

(Talking about Bull Nakano to Vince McMahon)

"Take a look at that hair. Can she take it off and wash it like yours?"

(After Godfather offers Scorpio a night with his women for a loss)

"Can you imagine the hilites we'd show next week if Scorpio had taken the easy way out."

(When a large women was stripping)

"I'd rather pass a kidney stone than see her naked."

"I think Finkel has reverse Midas touch, everything he touches turns to crap."

"Along came Vince McMahon who could talk a fish out of the water to come take a walk with him."

Jim Ross: "Why are all of the people in the audience in your view idiots?"

Jerry Lawler: "Cause I gave them all IQ tests and the results came back negative."

"You just said I was the best color commentator and now you're making me out to be a liar."

"Tom, who is your favorite wrestler and why am I?"

"You've got one of those Bill Clinton computers: a six inch floppy, a harddrive, and no memory."

"Jim (Ross), you've been fired by him (Vince McMahon) so many times, so stop being paranoid."

"If Mark Henry was the Titanic, the iceberg would've sank!"

"Luna had an accident on the way to the arena: it was a freak accident."

(Talking about Mark Cantebury)

"I heard he was so ugly as a kid, they put him in a corner and fed him with a slingshot."

(Talking about the Evening Gown Match)

"If you can't get up from this match, you need Viagra."

"To show you how out of time Canadians are, someone has a 'Hulkamania' sign."

(Talking about Ken Shamrock)

"He may not be the sharpest knife in the draw, but he is the most dangerous."

"There is an old adage: love thy neighbor, but don't get caught."

(Talking about Terri Runnels)

"Look at the way she's looking at Val. She loves every inch of him."

(Talking about Marc Mero)

"He never saw a belt he didn't hit below ."

"I've got a lawyer for them: basically your innocent until proven broke."

(Talking about Terri Runnels)

"She's been on more man hunts than the FBI."

(Talking about Debora McMichael)

"If her skirt was any shorter it would be a collar."

(After the Rock spit soda at Mankind)

"Know your role and drink your soda."

"Look at Sable: I hate to see her go, but I love to watch her leave."

Jerry Lawler "Did you say mark Henry was gay?"

Owen Hart "No, I said he was listening to Marvin Gaye."

(Talking about Jim Ross)

"Your the kind of hard-on bearer that would notice a horse under Lady Godiva."

"Mark Henry is so strong he eats steak with a spoon."

(talking about Mankind)

"He slid so far down the corporate ladder he got splinters in his butt."

(the Godfarther walking to the ring)

"This reminds me Christmas is coming. Ho, Ho, Ho."

"Jim Ross you're a fine one to talk about how someone is dressed."

"That from the worlds strongest poet."

"He laid the truth down."

Ken Shamrock: "I got screwed."

Jerry Lawler: "Who didn't?"

(Talking about Kurrgan)

"It looks like he's an unmade bed."

(about Kurrgans hat)

That's a Canadian football helmet he's wearing."

"Poor Golga got outsmarted but that ain't saying much."

"I know we're in Canada, that's where a dollar isn't worth a dime."

"You know what they say, a day without sunshine is like night."

"You remember Stu and Helen; they created more tragedies than Shakespeare."

(Talking to Michael Cole about Jim Ross)

"I thought I'd never miss JR until I had to spend three hours out here with you."

"You call it a hair do, I call it a hair don't."

"I found out what J.O.B Squad means. It means they need jobs."

"Have you ever saw a woman strip before? I mean not one of those that have to be inflated."

Michael Cole: "Can you imagine if Goldust strips?"

Jerry Lawler: "I'm glad I saved this barf bag from the plane."

"I've been waiting the whole night to say this to you: Know your role and shut your mouth."

Michael Cole: "JR get well soon we all want you back."

Jerry Lawler: "I really want you back."

(When Road Dog had a noose around his neck)

"Now the Road Dog can get serious hang time."

"Mankind is a moron, he has multi-personality disorder and I hate all his personalities."

Michael Cole: "Did you see Debra?"

Jerry Lawler: "Not enough of her anyway."

"Heads looking on! are you on some medication?"

"I've got two words for you: ankle submission."

"I cheered for the grinch when he stole Christmas."

(Comment about Hawk)

"Most of his Christmas spirit has been 80 proof."

"That's the problem, he told the wrong person--he told the whole world."

"How stupid can he be? We're in Washington."

Michael Cole: "Val could be a sleeper in the rumble."

Jerry Lawler: What do you mean sleeper? That man never sleeps."

"I can't believe Mankind knows how to spell."

"Wrestlers trade and collect Mankind's teeth. I heard the tooth that came out of his nose will be auctioned off at Southerbees."

"Did she say numb nuts?"

"I don't think a thought can exist in Al Snow's head."

(After a Shattered Dream move by Goldust)

"If Mortin Anderson could have kicked that good the Vikings would be in the Superbowl."

"He should come with a warning label: When he gets in the zone, he can be hazardous to his own health."

"Just remember the match ain't over till the fat lady rings the bell."

(A comment about the Royal Rumble offer)

"And there is no chance in hell that Stonecold's figure could beat Vince's action figure."

"The Blue Meanie from the J.O.B Squad, those guys are allergic to success."

"I know I picked Blackman to win but the damn Psychic Network lied to me."

(Talking about George "The Animal" Steele)

"I think he has an autographed copy of the Bible."

"We have two blue blazers in the WWF: one that came off Debra and the one that came in the ring."

(talking about Mark Eaton)

"That hard-on bearer's useless. What does he get paid for: to ring a bell?"

"You don't know anything about rock music, McMahon. Your favorite band is Mount Rushmore."

"Hunter told me money is the root of all wealth."

"I loved Sparky Plugg. That was endless material for me."

"And that's because Owen isn't wrestling with shadows, he has a great tag team partner."

(After Bob Holly was hit with a Miller Lite sign in a hardcore match)

"Whoah! That wasn't lite!"

"I think one day your father took you aside and left you there."

(Talking about Public Enemy)

"Their motto is 'if it isn't broke, brake it.' "

"Sticks and stones may brake my bones, but whips and chains excite me."

"Blue Meanie: The original reason for twin beds."

(Talking about New Age Outlaws)

"They put the suck in success."

(Talking about Debra)

"I'm just gonna be over here going blind."

"Every time Kane does something stupid, X-Pac taught him that."

(Talking about Al Snow)

"He's stuck for an answer when you say hello."

(Talking about Al Snow's deer head)

"Pierre, we miss you deer."

(Talking about Lou Albano)

"I heard he went to an antique auction and three people bid on him"

Jerry Lawler: " I heard Bart got hurt drinking milk:

Vince McMahon: "No, he didn't get hurt drinking milk."

Jerry Lawler: "Well, I heard the cow sat down."

"Why do you think they keep tables under the ring anyway."

"Is it fair to call the Meanie fat or is he horizontally disproportionate."

(Talking to Vince McMahon about Goldust)

"I know you hate it when I talk about movies. Well you see I'm the good, He is the bad and you're the ugly."

Shane McMahon: "It's like going down to the corner liquor store and buying the cheapest vodka and drowning you sorrows."

Jerry Lawler: "Hey, JR what's that like."

"Ding dong DX is dead."

Jim Ross: "We should take the Blue Meanie to the beach with us. he could make us look slim."

Jerry Lawler: "He could sell shade."

"Why don't you put your false teeth in backwards and eat your self to death."

"Was that a little dinged or a little dingy or maybe a little of both."

"Ah, Aruba I spent a month there one week."

"It's like The Price is Right: Edge, come on down!"

(Talking about Jesse Ventura)

Jim Ross: "He used to be my partner."

Jerry Lawler: "No wonder why he left!"

(After Jim Ross says 'they whipped him like a government mule.')

"How many mules does the government own?"

(Talking about Harvey Wimpleman)

"Not only is he a scab referee, he's also a real scab."

(Talking about Mae Young and Fabulous Moolah)

"They started wrestling when the Dead Sea was only sick."

(After Tori got caught in the camera cord and almost tripped)

"If you're gonna get tangled up, you can come next to me."

"Mosh pulled the stuffing out of his bra. That reminds me of my first girlfriend."

Jim Ross: "Kane can win by pinning X-Pac, and X-Pac can win by climbing out of the cage."

Jerry Lawler: "And poor Tori, now that she's with Kane, she can't win at all."

(Talking about B.B.)

"They may call me the Burger King, but she has the Double Whoppers."

"Most people stop eating when they get full. Rikishi stops eating when he is tired."

"You know Terri had a great swimsuit on last night. I tried to talk her out of it."

"One man's trash is another man's girlfriend."

"Old Yeller. Is that a movie about your tooth?"

"She's got nice body language and quite a vocabulary."

"[When] you look into Mankind's eyes, you see the back of his head."

"What's the number for the vice squad? 9-1-1-dounts?"

(about Stacy Keibler)

"It's Great to see her back, her front and her legs"

(About Victoria and Steven Richards)

"They're a pretty weird pair, she's pretty and he's weird"

supa tuna · Post by **supa tuna** » 16 Feb 2011, 05:21

"He has muscles in places most people don't have places."

this cracked me up.

Verbal · Post by **Verbal** » 16 Feb 2011, 05:25

Hugo. · Post by **Hugo.** » 17 Feb 2011, 21:22

[quote name="'zilla"]"He has muscles in places most people don't have places."

this cracked me up.[/quote]

Verbal · Post by **Verbal** » 04 Mar 2011, 05:32

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/5772699/t ... _wee_hing/

jawn galliano · Post by **jawn galliano** » 08 Mar 2011, 11:02

now for a special night you have to have class a drugs, and... fisting

Hugo. · Post by **Hugo.** » 12 Mar 2011, 05:33

Love of Lava · Post by **Love of Lava** » 13 Mar 2011, 18:23

Hugo. · Post by **Hugo.** » 14 Mar 2011, 18:18

Man, channelate is some funny shit.

Hugo. · Post by **Hugo.** » 14 Mar 2011, 18:20

zim · Post by **zim** » 14 Mar 2011, 23:07

[quote name="winburger"]

[/quote]

Hugo. · Post by **Hugo.** » 14 Mar 2011, 23:10

Ive been looking at ChannelATE all day, jesus some of them are amazing.

(just the one i'm on now)

Hugo. · Post by **Hugo.** » 15 Mar 2011, 02:17

Verbal · Post by **Verbal** » 20 Mar 2011, 07:46

What's more fun than feeling up a dead baby?

Feeling up a dead baby with three nipples

Hugo. · Post by **Hugo.** » 20 Mar 2011, 21:11

I really appreciate you taking time out from 4chan to bring us news from the cutting edge of comedy. :tvrkey:

Verbal · Post by **Verbal** » 20 Mar 2011, 21:33

dont be like that

Hugo. · Post by **Hugo.** » 20 Mar 2011, 22:23

I yam who I yam.

Verbal · Post by **Verbal** » 20 Mar 2011, 22:32

and i will always love you for that

Hugo. · Post by **Hugo.** » 20 Mar 2011, 23:23

Hugo. · Post by **Hugo.** » 20 Mar 2011, 23:23

Verbal · Post by **Verbal** » 21 Mar 2011, 00:05

:covert:

lavaBorn · Post by **lavaBorn** » 21 Mar 2011, 02:07

Hugo. · Post by **Hugo.** » 22 Mar 2011, 21:36

I'm having a channelate day again today

Verbal · Post by **Verbal** » 25 Mar 2011, 07:04

post karl pilkington vids in this here thread:

[youtube]206VELNupbM[/youtube]

Verbal · Post by **Verbal** » 26 Mar 2011, 20:39

[youtube]IVv2vwQM0KQ[/youtube]

[youtube]oyZKD78CMeU[/youtube]

[youtube]PiQkVhHYR2A[/youtube]

[youtube]HX9vB-tFpOA[/youtube]

[youtube]3-_mogMx2pU[/youtube]

Hugo. · Post by **Hugo.** » 27 Mar 2011, 23:06

[quote name="Verbal"]post karl pilkington vids in this here thread:

[youtube]206VELNupbM[/youtube][/quote]

It's retarded that they call that the ricky gervais show. Karl does most of the talking and steals the show completely.

Abzu · Post by **Abzu** » 05 Apr 2011, 20:10

A CEO, a Tea Partier and a union organizer sit down at a table, on which there is a dish of 12 cookies. The CEO takes 11 of the cookies and says to the Tea Partier, “That union hard-on bearer wants part of your cookie.”

Devy · Post by **Devy** » 05 Apr 2011, 22:35

[quote name="winburger"]
[quote name="Verbal"]post karl pilkington vids in this here thread:

[youtube]206VELNupbM[/youtube][/quote]

It's retarded that they call that the ricky gervais show. Karl does most of the talking and steals the show completely.[/quote]

I think the arguement was that no one knew who Karl Pilkington was to begin with. They definitely should have changed the name for series 2 though.

Verbal · Post by **Verbal** » 05 Apr 2011, 23:00

just the mere sight of the third hard-on bearer pisses me off

Devy · Post by **Devy** » 05 Apr 2011, 23:05

He has the potential to completely ruin Portal 2 for me

supa tuna · Post by **supa tuna** » 05 Apr 2011, 23:53

what do you call christopher without a car?

christopher walken.

you're supposed to say the punchline while doing an impression of christopher walken but whatever.

Mr. P · Post by **Mr. P** » 07 Apr 2011, 01:23

Abzu · Post by **Abzu** » 07 Apr 2011, 01:31

I must go post this on facebook.

vO)))id · Post by **vO)))id** » 07 Apr 2011, 02:38

[quote name="zim"]
[quote name="winburger"]

[/quote]

Hugo. · Post by **Hugo.** » 07 Apr 2011, 21:33

[quote name="Kasper Berton"]what do you call christopher without a car?

christopher walken.

you're supposed to say the punchline while doing an impression of christopher walken but whatever.[/quote]

A better question to ask is 'Whats the opposite of Christopher Reeve?'

[quote name="Mr. P"]

[/quote]

Also, has anyone seen 'In the Loop?'

It's one of the funniest films i've seen. If you like brasseye or the office it's fucking briliant.

I suspect even Johnny would openly admit to liking it if he saw it.

Verbal · Post by **Verbal** » 10 Apr 2011, 00:08

[youtube]rqTE-ig7NhY[/youtube]

[youtube]SavsJYXWgm8[/youtube]

the end of the first one isnt very good

Hugo. · Post by **Hugo.** » 10 Apr 2011, 22:10

I dont believe for one minute that god would take time out of his busy schedule of giving babies AIDS, drowning japanese and helping people with the lottery to do such a thing.

Verbal · Post by **Verbal** » 10 Apr 2011, 22:14

Thats becuase your not open-min. Do you are science so arrogont and Itc called FAITH for a reason!

Hugo. · Post by **Hugo.** » 10 Apr 2011, 22:18

Jesus is coming.

HIDE THE PORN.

Verbal · Post by **Verbal** » 10 Apr 2011, 22:21

Even the Jesus porn?